On Fathers And The Triune God

Posted on 27 December 2025 by Nerdy Mess

As Christmas has just passed, one of my favorite movies is A Christmas Story. A few years ago, a third movie (yes, there was A Christmas Story 2, but let’s not descend into such pain) was released in this series called A Christmas Story Christmas. If you’re a fan of A Christmas Story, I highly recommend it! Part of the thrust of this movie (spoiler alert!!!! I apologize!!!) was remembering loved ones. In that spirit, I began to think about my Dad this year; more specifically, I began to think about my Dad, and then I thought about my step-Dad.

My Dad was not perfect. I’m sure thousands of people say that. But from the outside, my Dad was incredible. He was an IT manager, overseeing developers, system admins, etc. People he worked with loved him because they could feel how much he loved them. He was a good husband; no man is perfect at this, but it was always clear to me that my parents loved each other and us kids. He was good Dad. Admittedly, this judgment comes with the benefit of hindsight and the illumination of being a Dad myself. He let me get away with too much, and sometimes, his idea of “peace” was more in line with my brothers and I being separated than actually brokering a ceasefire.

Still, whatever his faults, one thing cannot be disputed about my Dad; he absolutely loved and followed after Jesus the Christ! Whether you prefer Yeshua, Mashiach, or even Yeshua of Nazareth, my Dad’s life reflected his devotion. From his prayer life (which I got an amazing glimpse into) to his detailed study of the Scriptures, he was a man who wanted to be as close to the triune God as one could be, albeit hampered by his own challenges and failures.

My Dad had been through the Vietnam war; as a newlywed, he decided it was best to sign up and choose his MOS than to be drafted and risk being assigned to the front lines (he later found out he never would have been drafted). And while, like many Vietnam vets, he did not talk much about his time there, I caught glimpses of his love for his fellow soldiers, from then and into the future. Though I never had the honor to serve, I learned to value and support our military from his example.

As I grew into my teenage years, moving from seeing my Dad as merely my Dad and into seeing him as a beloved fellow man, my Dad got sick. He had been diagnosed with diabetes and began to manage it with diet and exercise, though he did neither all that well. But there was a greater danger lurking just ahead. My Dad began to feel excessively tired. While we would later learn he was dealing with a chronically-low blood count, my adolescent mind saw it as lazy. After some time, the family was finally told (in point of fact, he’d even hidden it from my mother, preferring to keep the status quo until he knew there was a problem).

So, here I was with my Dad being sick, and shortly after, I found out he may be dying. That’s not the way you want to drop bad news. “Hey, I’m sick, and it’s not too bad, but…well, I’m waiting on a test that could mean I’m dying.” {THUD} How do you handle such things? Me? I argued with God….and God argued back. Call me crazy, tell me I didn’t hear from God; I don’t care. God spoke and made points I could only now think of. So, do with it what you will!

And so, a couple months went by; my Dad was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (I think I’ve written on this before), and within 7 months, my Dad was gone. No bone marrow transplant due to his diabetes, just 3-ish weeks of remission before it returned, and we knew the end would shortly come. But in these 7 months, my Dad lived in the most commendable of ways. He endured humiliating challenges (cancer survivors and their loved ones know what many of these are), counseled a man whose wife had left him, spent time with family and friends alike to say goodbye the best anyone can, and eventually, he went home to be with Jesus. Similarly, I learned to serve my Dad in a way I’d never had the privilege before. I learned that my Dad cried, sometimes, when he prayed. I learned that he didn’t want to leave us behind, but he loved Jesus more. And now, some 25+ years later, I still learn from my Dad’s notes, when I find them; be it an email he sent that my Mom forgot she printed out, a notebook I find in a box, or notes in his Bible’s margins, I echo Tony Stark, “Dead 20 years; still taking me to school!” =)

And though my Dad passed, our glorious Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, three-in-one, aka the triune God, knew that I still needed a Dad for a little while longer. So, He gave me Ken. A few years after my Dad passed, my Mom chose to date again. She ended up meeting an amazing man, and not longer after, with counsel from friends, family, and pastors, they got married. I’ll never forget (this was actually before they got married) being at a pivotal moment in my life and that feeling of “I wish my Dad was here” cropped up; at that very same moment, I looked up to see Ken’s smiling face from across the room, taking pictures and beaming as if I was his kid all along!

Ken Bergstedt was the real deal, folks! Jesus took him home last year. We didn’t have constant enough contact for me to feel the loss as immediately as it is for others. Even so, I still have plenty of moments (such as now) where I miss that man fiercely! Much like my own Dad, Ken loved fiercely! You couldn’t escape a handshake, and you could rarely avoid a hug. While he wasn’t one to let falsehood or foolishness remain, you were first a creation of the triune God and in that light, he might correct a falsehood or bring an end to foolishness. But it was always in the context of fierce love!

Ken took such care of my Mom that I couldn’t help but love him. In truth, I was hesitant to receive him when my Mom and he first got together; he was a great guy on paper, but it was a different matter for him to step into the place of my Dad. I was not self-aware enough to realize the difference until we were moving furniture for my Mom one day, and my Mom told me to do something. I initially brushed it off, “I’ll do it later”, but Ken saw my Mom’s need, and he legit barked at me, “Ben, do as your Mom told you!” While I’ll never know if he saw my attitude, I initially bristled “how dare he order…”, but I (thank you, Jesus!) quickly came to my senses and realized he was right; he and I did whatever it was my Mom had asked (move a couch, I think). And while I don’t recall Ken ever having to bark at me like that again, as soon as he married my Mom, he was Dad; in truth, he was dubbed Dad Bergstedt, which made him Dad B, and the engineer in me always had a chuckle at that “Dad B” designation, as if my first Dad were Dad A. LOL! It still tickles me now, and Ken was never one to be offended by my humor at that.

Gosh, I’ve had such great men to help mold and shape me! As I reflect on the above, I can’t help but get emotional at the great Dads I’ve had, and the love they’ve shown me. Anyone who knows me knows that I can be hard to love at times. I too adamant about the truth, to the exclusion of emotions. These two men loved me dearly, treated me as a son, and invested in my life (both financially and in all other ways) for so many years, and truthfully, I don’t think I valued them enough…maybe we always feel that way. I don’t know.

There is another Father, though. For many years, I’ve fallen into a common trap in Christianity; it’s easy for us to focus on God is One, because we know what the looks like, but we often forget that God is Three-In-One. You see, one of the unique attributes of the Christian faith (as revealed throughout the Old and New Testaments of the Bible) is that God exists in Three Persons and is relational. God is One, and God is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. He is not three Gods, nor is He One God in three modes (or moods, as Michael Reeves says). He is One God, eternally existent as God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. God the Father always loves God the Son through the Holy Spirit, and God the Son always loves the Father through the Holy Spirit and reflects what His Father is doing. It is through the Son, in the hypostatic union (theology term meaning the Divine Nature/Substance and Man Nature/Substance were unified into one) of the God-man Jesus, that the Father is revealed. It is through the Scriptures/Bible, written by and through the Spirit that we know the Son. The unity of the Trinity is such a unique beauty that when one begins to contemplate it, one is hard -pressed not to gasp in awe at the thought!

For the purposes of this post, though, I want to look upon God the Father, which will be in the context of the above. Reader, if you’re a follower of Jesus, trusting in His sacrifice in your place, this Father is your Father, too! Now, you own father may have been quite different from the men I’ve described above, but let me give you a glimpse into THE Father, the one that all other fathers/dads should imitate.

You and I were created because God the Father so loves the Son. He created an entire creation out of love for His Son. I can’t speak for all dads, but I know that I’ve had my days where even my love for my kids comes second to my love for another 15 minutes of sleep! And the Son so loved creation that He wrapped Himself in human flesh, volunteering to endure cold, heat, pain, suffering, hunger, lack of sleep, that annoying humidity where your clothes stick to you but you’re not event wet, just BLEH! As we celebrate Christmas, consider that God the Son voluntarily endured dirty diapers, a smelly barn, correction from his human parents, dealing with siblings, and being, of all things, quite helpless at times because he didn’t have the musculature or physical fortitude for some action or task. These are all common things for those of us who have always been human, but God the Son took on humanity, and because He was the God-man, He was able to do whatever, but He volunteered/chose to endure the things we humans do, including temptations, though He never sinned. The temptation ends when sin is committed; Jesus never sinned, which means most, if not all, of the temptations He endured were always present.

All the while, the Father’s love was being poured out on Him, providing as needed, but sometimes withholding as needed. It was always a perfect dance in which the Son was revealing the Father, and the Son was enduring to show Himself spotless, while the Father poured out His love. Even at the end, the beatings Jesus endured, the crown of thorns, the cross, these were the Father’s love poured out in a way we rarely understand love, mostly because we’ve seen abuses perversely called love. It is not love to beat a child, but it is love to correct a child (rather than risk arguments for trying to expound on this, I will simply say, I don’t think it’s inappropriate to spank a child in an intentionally corrective way that is not out of anger or similar like revenge). It is not love to hang a person on a cross, but if your loved one asked you to let them be the one to die in the place of another loved one, barring a variety of nuances, it is selfishness to deny them (an example of this soldiers going into battle). In the perfection of the Godhead, God the Son had chosen to die in our place. His love compelled Him to endure the wrath of God so that we could rightly love God again. And because the Son’s love compelled Him, and it pleased Him to do it, so the Father’s love was compelled and He was pleased to pour out His wrath on His Son in our place. (Lest someone read this wrongly, if you chose not to accept Jesus sacrifice in your place, and if you choose to love yourself more than the triune God, you will still face wrath at the end of all things; a man who refuses to let his debt be paid, even though he will never be able to pay it himself, will still face the consequences of that debt not being paid.)

In my mind, it’s easy to believe the Father loves the Son, and as I am in the Son, loves me, such that He saves me. However, I get caught up in the day-to-day. I tend to think that the triune God somehow doesn’t love me enough when I have a bill I can’t pay, or a problem with no resources to resolve it, or even an emotional pain with no resolution in sight. But this is where we need to preach Paul’s exhortation to ourselves from Romans 8:31-32 (NASB, emphasis mine), “What then shalll we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?” In our modern, transactional culture, we sometimes see things as one-and-done. Similarly, we think God did that one-time thing, saving us from our sins and enabling us to live for Him, but He won’t do any more than that. It’s one-time only, and it’s done. However, Paul makes it clear to us that God isn’t one-and-done; rather, He set the bar by Jesus dying for us and being raised up again. The triune God doesn’t look on our need and say, “You need more?! Wasn’t that first time enough?!” Rather, He looks on our timidity to ask Him and says, “I already gave you the most valuable thing; why are you afraid to ask for this little thing? Ask!”

But God the Father is also a good father, a good dad. He isn’t just going to give us everything we ask for because sometimes, we ask for things that’ll hurt us. Years ago, I section of Proverbs stood out to me and made me start adding this to my prayer life. In Proverbs 30, we have these “words of Agur” that contain this profound statement, in verses 8b-9, as Agur makes requests of God, “Give me neither poverty nor riches; Feed me with the food that is my portion, That I not be full and deny You and say, “Who is the Lord?” Or that I not be in want and steal, And profane the name of my God.” The man asks for neither riches nor poverty. I think many people understand well the moral dangers of poverty, wherein one may deceive one’s self, justifying sin because of need. But we don’t often think about the danger of riches, believing that it is you who has made you wealthy, or thinking you don’t need God because you have X, Y, or Z. The wisdom of this man’s words are that he requests God give him neither, so that he may stay in the perfect place of trusting in God for his provisions, and being just full enough to avoid the temptation to justify sin. God the Father is a good father, giving His Son everything He needs, and the Son is a good Son reflecting a good Father, and He will give us what we need, never to hurt us, but for our best, including sometimes saying no or not-now.

This is but a glimpse of God the Father, revealed through God the Son, who is Himself revealed by the Holy Spirit, and the three-in-one working in absolute unity. It is an amazing and awesome sight! Many authors have filled small and large books with more detailed thoughts and truths out of Scripture. My intent here is not to be such an author but to whet your appetite for more of the Son, that you might seek Him and dig into the goodness of the triune God!

I have been blessed with great, but still very human, Dads. Yet, my ultimate blessing is God my Father, as I enjoy this relationship with Jesus, God the Son, who calls me brother and presents me faultless to His Father. And all of this through the Spirit who unites us, given to be our peace and companion here while Jesus is in Heaven, until He comes again. So, I encourage you, be reminded of the amazingness of the One True God, who exists eternally as One God in Three Persons, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The triune God who’s love is like none other we can even grasp because it is so pure and so beyond anything we would think, but He has made Himself known to us, and we can enjoy Him and get to know Him better. He is never unkind, never unloving, and always does exactly what is needed. Oh the amazing God we serve! If you don’t know Him, I pray this encourages you to get to know Him.

Godspeed – 1 Corinthians 15:10

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A Grief Revisited

Posted on 13 December 2025 by Nerdy Mess

My apologies, readers, for not posting on my usual Monday. Sadly, this past week was quite the set of challenges. On the sad side, we had to put down our family dog of 9 years. On the other side, a family member completed his military training and graduated.

What is one to say when life contains these bitter-sweet moments? One moment, at the gates of grief missing a beloved family canine, and shortly after, rejoicing for a family member who has achieved a unique honor (I’ve learned that 1% of the population currently could enlist, and of that group, only 1% make it to graduation). Not only that, but both are types of goodbyes, one for the remainder of this earth, and the other for an unspecified amount of time, never entirely sure when the next letter, phone call, or visit may be, or if that “next” will never come due to tragedy.

I must admit, right now, I’m exhausted! I’m sitting at a counter, writing this blog post, and I could just as easily lay my head down for the night. So, why do I bother to write? It’s a fair question, and the answer it quite simply because I know there are others who are experiencing some relatable degrees of joy and sorrow in their lives. And while I don’t have all the answers, I have a few in this particular area.

Most who have followed this blog for a while have read my story and know that I dealt with a major traumatic loss a decade and a half ago. I have spent many an hour grieving the loss, of my marriage and of the woman I had once known who had become a wildly different person, as well as grieving the loss of a life, house/home, church, and stability I had once enjoyed.

Today, I find myself in a similar place, at least emotionally. And while these moments have not been traumatic, as our dog’s declining health was a known issue and my family member’s commitment to service was known, it is still a grieving moment. I grieve for the time I can’t have with that family member, for the times that will never be with my beloved canine friend, for the challenges these events present to the predictability of my life and the perceived stability that provided.

A brilliant man once observed that anyone who thinks he/she is in control of any thing is deluded. While I challenge that statement on a micro-scale, in the macro-scale, it is profoundly true, and as one who likes predictability and stability, it often makes me uncomfortable. But in reality, hidden within that brilliant observation is a deep truth; there is One who is in control!

It is the Lord God Almighty, one God but three Persons, Father, Son (who was made into a man, both very God and very Man, we know as Jesus/Yeshua), and Holy Spirit. He is in control! Granted, we don’t always see it that way; sometimes, we feel like God must have fallen asleep at the wheel or maybe He’s not as good as we say He is, but none of that is true! In fact, it is rather like a child who thinks their parent is mean because the child can’t have candy late at night or a teenager who thinks their parent is being unreasonable because they won’t let them go to a party when they got a D in Geometry. As kids and teens, man of us have experienced these challenging moments. Similarly, many of us (I hope) have been able to look back on these moments, with our own children, from the perspective of our parents and realize that, in fact, our parents were doing a very loving thing (or, at least, trying to). But let’s not miss that this analogy is lacking a bit, as our parents were imperfect humans, but God is perfect and not merely a human (after all, Jesus did live and die as the God-man).

In point of fact, some of us can look back and see where our parents should’ve been more strict or more flexible, but God has no such shortcoming. He knows exactly what we, and this world, need to achieve His aims, which is the best things for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Sometimes, events are specifically for us (such as something standing out in Scripture on a given day after we’ve prayed for a certain degree of wisdom). Other events are beyond us, meaning that they may contain a truth or lesson for us, but they may also contain similar-but-different things for another or even multiple others. In short, contrary to some, the world does not revolve around any one person, and contrary to others, we cannot force everyone to do what we’d like them to do.

So, where does that leave us? Interestingly, it leaves us in a great place, though emotionally difficult.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

The above versus tell us that we are to allow ourselves to mourn losses, not as one who has no hope, but knowing that we will receive comfort from God, whether directly or through our fellow believers around us. Furthermore, we are reminded to comfort others, as we ourselves have been comforted, too. We are exhorted to find comfort in the Lord in any and all afflictions. Paul goes in 2 Corinthians to exhort the church there, expounding that there is no suffering that Christ cannot or has not comforted us through. We know that God Almighty has experienced rejection and loss revealed in Hosea, specifically, but in the whole of Scripture. And while He is in control, He still chooses to express emotional loss and grief, revealing that He is not some emotionally distant, self-insulating stoic, but He is relational and cares so deeply for us that He feels for us, like a parent when their child experiences their first break-up or their first friend-betrayal.

Further, we can see from Lazarus’ death (John 11), as well as making historical inferences about Joseph’s death, that Jesus experienced loss on earth. As the God-man (a term used to describe the mysterious union of the Divine and the human in Jesus, two natures unified in one), we know the Jesus lived a very real life, including losing loved ones, having friends who lost loved ones, and likely even losing a friend or two, prior to Lazarus’ death and resurrection. In short, God is fully capable of empathizing with and comforting us in whatever pains come our way.

So, as I grieve my dear canine’s passing, and as I grieve the end of this sweet time with my family member as a new chapter dawns, I can lean on the shoulders of Jesus, crying into His shirt, as it were, but also moving forward in His comfort and knowing that, in time, there will be an end to all such grief and loss, when He reigns as King of all. But for the immediate, I lean on Him, whether in tears or even when I need to pound on His chest in frustration, knowing that He cares and, in some way, cries along with me.

I don’t know what your particular grief is today; maybe you’ve lost a loved one, lost a furry friend, or maybe you’ve lost an innocence. In the midst of your grief, I can confidently say that Jesus is there, He has not left, and He will comfort you, if you’ll let Him; or maybe you already have, and I can confidently encourage you that He is comforting you, even now, whether it be in little reminders of the good times you’ve had, little nuggets of blessing that speak to your heart, and in many ways I can’t even know because they are that personal to you.

There’s a beautiful song written by Chris Rice called Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus); my personal favorite is the rendition by Third Day, but nonetheless, the overarching message of the song is “Come/Run to Jesus” in whatever situation you find yourself. As I close out this posting, I encourage you similarly, run to Jesus! Press into His loving arms and chest and let His comfort envelop you and soothe your grief!

Godspeed – 1 Corinthians 15:10

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Thankful…Or Just Less Grumpy

Posted on 1 December 2025 by Nerdy Mess

A little candor; recently, my eldest told me, “Dad, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you complain too much!” I’ll admit, my first thought was to defend myself! “I’m not complaining! There’s just a bunch of idiots on the road!” And really, who would argue with me?! I guess it depends on where you live, but I digress. The point is that in thinking it through, and asking/letting the Lord speak to me, it became apparent that, he was right! I do complain too much.

Most of us in the United States have just enjoyed the Thanksgiving holiday. Some consider this merely Turkey Day, some hate it (I don’t consider this view worthy of going into), and some take steps to keep it as it was originally intended, a day to give thanks to God for His provision. (If you’d like to re-read President Lincoln’s statement regarding Thanksgiving, you can revisit that post at the following link: https://nerdylenses.com/2012/11/20/in-honor-of-thanksgiving/)

Consequently, this week has had me thinking, how thankful am I? Am I grateful for the things God has given me, or am I grumbling because they aren’t what I wanted? Or maybe, I’m not thankful, but I’m just trying to be less grumpy, hoping I’ll cure some favor with the Almighty and get what I really wanted!

That last statement is utterly absurd; it’s not that I don’t do that sometimes (after all, let’s be honest here), but it is absurd to think that anything I do can actual cure favor with the Almighty God! I am a fallen creature; I have been tainted by sin. Nothing I can do, in and of myself, is going to gain me favor with God Almighty! At the same time, I have accepted Jesus death in my place, His resurrection from the dead, and I have placed Him (and continue to confess my failure and place Him again) as Lord and Savior of my life. By this, the Bible tells me that I have died with Him and it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. (Galatians 2:20). The only way I gain any favor with God is through Jesus, which means I can’t do anything; Jesus did it all, and I am to follow Him, not try to do something I think is good, but to follow Him, doing what He says is good!

Ok. So, let’s agree that it’s absurd for me to try and cure favor with God. Am I grateful and thankful or grumbling? This becomes a sticky point. On one hand, no one should want to call good as evil or evil as good. And no one should want to be silent when he/she should speak up. Furthermore, if God calls you to speak, who am I that you should be silent?! Yet, for myself, I oft wonder if I am speaking because God wants to speak through me or because I want to be heard. I’d dare to say that it is likely more of the latter than the former. And here Jeremiah speaks to us, in Lamentations 3:26 (which appears to be the dead-center, if my math is correct, of a literary chiasm in Lamentations) proclaims “It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the Lord.”

Silently. Silently? Silently! It is good that he waits silently…why?! Well, look at what we’re to be waiting for, the salvation of the Lord. The Lord wants me to call out to Him, bringing my thanks and praise, my confessions, and my needs before Him, even my aches and pains. This is not that. And there are times when we must speak up, but usually those times involve someone else’s needs or the defense of someone else. This situation is where I am uncomfortable, maybe even being persecuted, and I’m tempted to think God has forgotten me or doesn’t know (or care) what I need! Look at the rest of Lamentations, this is a book that expresses a lot of pain going on, a lot of discomfort; in fact, one might even say that Jeremiah doesn’t deserve any of what he has endured. Nonetheless, as God’s messenger and representative to the people, he is enduring these things as a means of proclaiming God’s message of judgment to the people of Israel who had not been obeying God. And yet, it is Jeremiah who says it’s good to wait silently.

Similarly, Jesus teaches us not to be too public about our prayer life in Matthew 5:5-6. He’s not prohibiting public prayer, but rather, He is cautioning us about putting on a show with our prayers. This dovetails with what Jeremiah is saying about waiting silently. It is not that I don’t pray, but I let that conversation be between me and God, lest I give my enemy (remember, our battle isn’t against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces of wickedness, Ephesian 6:12) some encouragement that he/she is getting to me. And again, it’s not some prescriptive, legalistic ruling that if you happen to complain, God is going to ignore you now or rage against you. NO! It is a reminder that we are to trust in Him and not ourselves, trust in His amazing, Divine, perfect provision, rather than what I think I need (or deserve) at a given moment.

So, when I come to Paul’s statement in Philippians 2, where he encourages us to “do all things without grumbling or disputing”, I can see it in the light of Philippians 2, where Paul encourages us to be selfless, to be humble, like Christ; taking our comfort in and having fellowship with the Holy Spirit, and rejoicing, even in trials, because Jesus suffered for us, and now we can suffer for Him. And when I link this all with Lamentations 3:26, I see that this is not Paul saying “enjoy the pain!” Rather, Jeremiah echoes up through Paul and confirms that “The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.” (Lamentations 3:25) God isn’t asking us to endure to see how much we can take, nor is He cruelly inflicting pain, but rather, He is asking us to trust that not only does He have a plan, but He has provision for us, a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13), and He has walked in all sufferings as we do. Bodily pain from age, over-exertion, or torture? Jesus has endured it. Anguish over the death of a loved one? Jesus has endured it. Grief from divorce or some other rejection? Jesus has endured it (yes, Jesus was not married, but read Hosea, and you’ll see the anguish God expresses at Israel’s harlotry). I could go on, and indeed, if someone needs me to, I am happy to provide additional examples (just ask in the comments). Jesus has walked in our steps, and even moreso, as Maximus the Confessor identifies in Disputations with Pyrrhus, Paragraph 35, “but in a mode which surpasseth us, in other words, voluntarily.” Put more plainly, we endure these things because they occur to us, but Jesus could have walked away, escaped, or otherwise ended any such things that came to Him, but He voluntarily endured them. We hurt because we age; He chose to age. We hurt because we people reject us; He allowed others to reject Him. And we ache because people pass on and we can’t be with them; He chose to endure loss!

In conclusion, this year, I choose to be thankful and grateful. I’m still prone to grumbling and complaining, but I’m choosing to fight my flesh and be thankful. Scripture makes it clear that we serve a good and mighty God provides well for us and who has endured the sufferings we endure. So, what do I have to complain about? Nothing of consequence! I can let God know my concerns, my pains, and my troubles, but the world doesn’t need to know how frustrated I am that some driver just pulled out in front of me; I may still honk so they’re aware they almost caused an accident, but maybe I won’t. The world doesn’t need to know how frustrated I am about the price of XYZ. They need to see the peace that surpasses all understanding because my God provides enough for me!

We can have reasonable discussions about the pains of our present world, but we should be cautious that we don’t allow our discussions to turn into grumblings, as if the Almighty isn’t on His Throne. We can express our needs, such as if someone is in financial need, but we should not act as though God hasn’t or won’t provide. It is a delicate balance, but it is a worthy balance; God is able to do far more than we can think or ask (Ephesians 3:20). Hence, it is our honor to restrain ourselves and fight against our flesh’s attempts to act like He is otherwise!

Godspeed – 1 Corinthians 15:10

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Faithful When We Are Faithless

Posted on 25 November 2025 by Nerdy Mess

2 Timothy 2:13 says, “if we are faithless, He remains faithful for He cannot deny Himself.”

In one’s walk with Christ, this is a great comfort. By it, we have comfort that our spiritual state does not depend on our ability but on His faithfulness. As we follow Jesus, regardless of how often we stumble, He remains faithful and our salvation is secure. This does beg the question as to why we even need to be faithful, but to that one can ask the rebuttal question, “why should we claim to follow Jesus, if we don’t desire to be faithful?”

But let us, for the sake of argument, assume that all of those reading this aren’t seeking a license for sin but are seeking to follow Jesus, and be further conformed to Christ’s image.

Given that groundwork, consider how this principle applies to parenting. When I fail as a parent, when I forget to teach something or fail to do so, God is still faithful and He has my back! And this applies, whether a single parent or a married parent. God is filling in the gaps you don’t even realize are there!

This reality does not absolve us of the responsibility to raise our children to honor Jesus in all they do, raising them to revere God for Who He is and what He has done, that they would be followers of Jesus as well. However, it does give us confidence that our flaws and failures do not have to crush or “ruin” our children. It gives us a reassurance that God is working behind the scenes, using what we do and developing in our children what we forget.

In my own children, this has translated to them learning things by example but also by an example I do not remember setting. I am blessed, as I hoped to teach them such things, but I failed. Still, they learned certain ways of respecting adults, of behaving, of even doing certain chores that I had failed to remember to teach them. Because He is faithful!

My own mother used this signature in her emails, “Because He is faithful!”

This post is meant to be short, as I hope to leave you some time to contemplate this deep truth. Even when we lack faith, He is faithful.

Consider how Paul puts it in Romans 3:3-4a, “What if some were unfaithful? Does their faithfulness nullify the faithfulness of God? By no means! Let God be true though every one were a liar…”

And by means of application, consider the father who approached Jesus about his demon-possessed son. Jesus chided him for his lack of faith, provoking the response, which the Bible tells us the father cried out and said (so, this was quite the impassioned response, as any of us could imagine giving as a parent seeking the healing of our child), “I believe; help my unbelief!” And at this, Jesus had compassion on the man. Consider His compassion for you, fellow Believer!

If you don’t know Jesus, then this comfort isn’t there for you. He is still faithful, but we are called to bow the knee to His Lordship, accept His death in our place, acknowledge His resurrection, and begin following Him through time in the Word (as it tells us about Him) and prayer (as it connects us directly to Him). So, if this comfort is something you desire and you’re ready to give up your control of your life and follow Jesus, then you can accept Him, as described in this paragraph and this comfort is yours, along with a relationship with the One True God of the universe and everything!

Godspeed – 1 Corinthian 15:10, “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is within me.”

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The Lies We Tell Ourselves…And The Truth!

Posted on 18 November 2025 by Nerdy Mess

Well, it’s been a long while since I posted last. For that, I apologize! God had intentions to put me through a rough time of dryness, and I just didn’t have anything that I felt was worth saying. Honestly, I’m still in that time of dryness, but something has been kicking my backside, and here I am!

I do have something to say! But I lie to myself about it! “No one wants to hear what you have to say!” “Oh, you’ll just foul it up; they’ll never understand!” “Dude! Just shut up already! You’re just making noise!” These are a sample of the lies that fly across my mind, even as I write this. But God!

Anyone who knows me knows that I love this phrase! “But God!” I dare say that it is the most potent, pregnant, awe-striking phrase in all the English language! No matter what situation you’re in, “but God” is the turning point. Let’s consider the lies I have running through my head, but let’s add this phrase:
– No one wants to hear what you have to say, but God….
– Oh, you’ll just foul it up; they’ll never understand, but God…
– Dude! Just shut up already! You’re just making noise, but God….

The things God can do through me are beyond my comprehension and anyone’s estimations! It may be that God wants to use my noise to rock someone out of their complacency. Maybe God has a point to make that the other person(s) will hear despite what I thought I was explaining. Better yet, no one may want to hear me, but God may want me to speak just like Jeremiah in his day.

The point of this is that we tell ourselves lies, but the truth is that God has ways He wants to use us, and who are we to get in His way. This is not a license to be brutal or to always speak whatever comes to mind; Ephesians 4:15 tells us we are to speak in love, and the fruits of the Spirit show us that we are to be self-controlled. Rather, this is an invitation to look past our own thoughts and see the whole truth.

The whole truth; that phrase makes me think of courtrooms, “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” Have you ever thought about that phrase? I’d be willing to wager that most people have not, but it’s a bit of legalese. If you haven’t noticed, legalese is like good philosophy and good theology, it’s built to keep you from being able to get around it (or to completely demolish it when it’s built on false basis/premises). In this case, one is promising to tell not only the truth, but the whole truth, to not skew the truth by omitting inconvenient or disliked details; additionally, one is promising to give nothing but the truth, not to give impressions, opinions, or personal thoughts/conjecture. In so doing, the one promising is bounding themselves to not misrepresent the truth by omission, admission, or any other aspect, but to simply tell what is true about a thing.

So often, in our own minds, we only take a portion of the truth. “I’m going to totally screw this up!” Yeah, you might. But God can use that screw up; better yet, sometimes, He works in the hearts of the people you’re screwing up in front of and they come alongside you to help you do the thing better or to encourage you that you did just fine. Oh the immense mercy and goodness of the Lord God Almighty!

While this isn’t my usually post with various Scripture sources or merely nerdy observations, I hope it still encourages you to identify the lies you’ve been believing and press into the Truth! “Wait, why did you capitalize Truth?” Because there is One who is the Truth! Jesus, the Son of God came to draw us back to God by making peace through His life, death on the cross, and resurrection from the dead, being both wholly God and wholly man. And we can have this peace, if we’ll accept it through making Him Lord of our lives and following Him! (If you don’t know how to do this, grab a Bible and ask God to open your eyes to Him through His word, and start reading the Gospel of John, then get involved in a local church that will also take you into His word, wholly and without leaving anything out.)

See, when we have these lies in our head, we see half the picture. “But God!” And that powerful phrase holds hope for those who are in Christ, under His headship and trusting in His sacrifice in our place. Without Him, that phrase is little more than mere superstition, mere myth and folklore that might comfort for a moment, but it holds no real power. Yet, when one is guided by His Lordship, “But God” means everything. It means that when my world flies apart (feel free to read the Heartfelt Mind-Meld for more on my personal testimony), I can hold on to Him and know that He has a plan through that, not necessarily for my pleasure but for my best! And it means that when, whether due to my own fault or despite my best efforts, people reject me, the Almighty, through Jesus, has accepted me and loves me, knowing me better than any one of those people ever could!

So, today, I am choosing to deny the lies and press into the Truth, letting my mind’s lies turn into “But God” moments for His glory, and whatever He chooses to do in me, as well. Whether this moment is for my growth, my encouragement, my refinement (which often comes with some discomfort or pain), or merely as an opportunity for Him to work in someone else’s life, I choose to press in! I refuse to let the lies (or worse yet, the enemy of my soul, Satan; yes, the Devil does exist) define me further, and I am going to fight to hold to the Truth! Jesus has made me a warrior in Him! But more on that another time…

Godspeed – 1 Corinthians 15:10

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I’m Afraid To Look – A Poem

Posted on 10 April 2023 by Nerdy Mess

I’m afraid to look at you, just because you’re there!

I’m not afraid of you, but I’m afraid I’ll stare!

It’s just not proper, not an acceptable thing

To stare at someone else, to just be watching.

 

That’s not to justify others, who do things that are bad.

It’s just to explain to you, why I often bouncing my head.

I’m trying not to look at you, because I know I’ll stare.

Your face and person is just intriguing, as I compare.

 

See, you look like the person I just saw, or maybe never did.

Your hair is unique, your ears, your freckles, nose and eyelids.

It may be that you look like someone I knew, maybe not at all,

But nonetheless, I’m intrigued by your features, large and small.

 

It has little to do with who you are, or what you mean to me,

I’m intrigued by the marks of the Maker and how you came to be.

He set your eyes just like so, your nose unique in size.

The hair He gave you, your sparkle, your smile, a surprise.

 

You could look like so-and-so, but ever so unique,

And that difference has my very interests piqued!

You’re not an object, but a work of art to be adored!

To me, you’re a curiosity; I want to study and explore.

 

But again, I’ve done it, I’ve made things so awkward.

I’m just intrigued by you, no romance conferred.

So, I try not to look at you, and I seek not to stare,

For I know you’ll wonder what intentions are lingering there.

 

And so I seek to make my world aware of my thoughts,

So that folks won’t think me leering, when I’m certainly not.

But all the same, I’m afraid to look at you, afraid to linger.

If I happen to do so, please be kind, don’t speak in anger.

 

You are a unique work of art, made by the Creator.

You are His masterpiece, when restored by Jesus the Savior!

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The Sins Of The Parent(s)

Posted on 28 November 2022 by Nerdy Mess

There’s a sect of folks in Christianity that believe in what is called “generational sin”. In this view, God visits the sins of parents on their children without the child having committed such sin. An example of this would be if God were to punish a child for the child’s father’s embezzlement. Let me say this is categorically untrue and is unsupported in ALL of Scripture! Those who support this tend to pick and choose a few verses, and then they spin off into semi-logical diatribes that do not connect with the whole of Scripture.

Hence, this post is NOT about such “generational sin.” Rather, it is about the fact that we, as parents, have a tendency to pass on our own weaknesses and tendencies to our children. This may be some pet-peeve around how we say wash versus warsh, or maybe it’s the strang habit of always sipping/tasting a drink before we consume it. And yet, this can extend to less ancillary habits, such as a tendency to be a workaholic or a predilection for sexual sin. And these latter examples are the main thrust of this posts caution.

Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.

1 Corinthians 11:1

How many of us could make that same statement? To put it another way, “follow me, and I will show you Jesus.” I don’t know about you, dear Reader, but for me, that statement would make me shudder. I don’t think I reflect Jesus well enough to be so confident. And yet, the Apostle Paul knew his sinful state, and yet, he could make that claim. Why? Because the man knew our Lord!

The real question is not, “do I completely and accurately reflect Jesus enough…” but “am I keeping my eyes on Jesus enough…”. It’s never about me! It is all about Jesus. If I am keeping my eyes on Him and seeking TO reflect Him, then I can say, “follow me, and I will show you Jesus” because I am no longer thinking about how I measure up but how He is faithful!

Before I go further, I should inject a caveat here that the above verse is pulled away from it’s context. Anytime someone pulls a verse away from it’s context, there is the danger of contorting it to fit some preconceived notion; as the old adage goes, “text without context is pretext.” I’ll leave that to you to look up the words and understand the meaning, but in this case, Paul’s discussion is one of putting right living in context, that living rightly is not about doing so for righteousness sake, but that we are to live rightly in reflection of Jesus, looking out for those who are weaker and need more strict adherence to rules, so that we do not cause people to stumble in their walk with God. Hence, I believe the context of this Scripture speaks to what I’m expounding, even though not directly.

So, what am I saying? It boils down to this: as parents, we should be seeking Jesus so intently, our eyes fixed so directly on Jesus that our children reflect Jesus! Additionally, where we stumble and fail to keep our eyes so fixed, our children will likely stumble and fall, as well. And yet, this isn’t meant to disparage but to encourage!

We (in the US, at least) live in a culture that is heavily anti-God. With it’s support of blatant sin, rationalization of greed, justification for corruption, and increased pornofication of entertainment, it is clear that American culture has shifted from honoring God, into distancing itself from God, to downright turning against God. As such, our children face a greater challenge in coming-to, seeking, and following Jesus in this present day. While it has always been a challenge, our “modern” culture, in the US, has made it even more difficult to follow Him and has increased the temptations away from Him!

As such, it is incumbent upon us to pursue Him even more fervently than our parents may (or may not) have done! When temptation rears it’s ugly head, it is not just about what sin may do to us! It now becomes what it may do to us and do to our children! What example will this set? How will my children overcome this, if I do not?

“But my sin is private! My kids never see it! That can’t affect them!”

This idea was started in the 90s, and I’ve watched it destroy many men and women of God. Here’s the unvarnished truth: It will ALWAYS affect them! They may not find your playboys, but they’ll pick up on how you view women. They may not notice your boyfriend leaving in the early hours, but they recognize there’s a lingering fragrance that wasn’t there last night, or maybe that there’s something different about you. They may not smell the alcohol, see the theft, or realize the depth of lies that were spoken, but one day, the pieces will connect in their brain, and they will begin repeating the pattern.

Now, this is not a promise. Maybe you are the exception to this rule; perhaps, you have the child that blazes his/her own trail and is unaffected by your sin. Maybe! But honestly, do you really think it’s loving toward them to bank on that? Is it truly loving to hope they turn out different than you, when you know you could do something to ensure they have a better chance?

Let me put it a different way. Let’s say that you knew your kid would grow up healthy, strong, and mentally fit if you chose to forego dinner. Assuming you were a healthy adult and all that meant was a little hunger every evening, wouldn’t you choose that evening hunger for the sake of your child? If you wouldn’t, then I beg you to lay yourself before the cross and repent of selfishness. But assuming you would, then why would you not deny temptation and pursue Christ for the sake of your child?

As a single parent, I understand the challenge I’m laying before you. To put it simply, I enjoyed being married! And I abhor being single! Even so and despite the failures I’ve had, I desire to pursue Jesus with everything I have, for the sake of my children. This is not to say that I pursue Jesus just because of my children! God forbid it! Yet, when I am in the depths of whatever ache, as my flesh yearns for some sinful desire (or a godly desire to be fulfilled by sinful means), one of my handholds is the reality that I don’t want to be a reason my children stumble. Furthermore, when my children are tempted as I have been, I want to be able to encourage them that I, too, have been tempted and, by Jesus’ strength, prevailed!

Consequently, I do not find cause to believe in generational sin, but I do find cause to believe that parents set examples for their children! And as such, I encourage myself, and my fellow Believers who are parents, to step up, once-more, and hold to Jesus through whatever temptations for the cause of Christ and for your families! He is faithful, and the more we conform ourselves to His faithfulness, the more we can confidently tell our children, “imitate me, as I imitate Jesus”. More than that, we can stand, with confidence, at the throne of Mercy and say, “I set the example for my children, by letting Jesus hold me and by Him showing my children Who He is!”

This is a mighty call! And yet, Scripture often refers to fathers as warriors (Psalm 127:4), refers to children being saved through their mothers’ examples (1 Corinthians 7:14), and refers to wives as having a powerful impact even without words or warfare (1 Peter 3:1b). Hence, there is a powerful impact we parents can make, if we are in Jesus! So, no matter how you feel about yourself, with Jesus as your source and provision, stand-up, repent of whatever sins you have harbored, and begin walking the narrow road, following Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who guides us, provides for us, carries us, and strengthens us for every challenge He places before us, even those challenges He has placed for us to watch Him conquer while we endure through His provided means.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

1 Corinthians 10:13

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:37-39

Godspeed – 1 Corinthian 15:10, “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is within me.”

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted on 23 November 2022 by Nerdy Mess

Earlier this week, WordPress notified me that I hit my 10th anniversary with them! 10 years of blogging! (Minus the 4-ish year hiatus!) That’s 8 years of being able to bless y’all with what God lays on my heart….plus a few nerdy anecdotes now and again.

When I started this journey, I was just here because a few friends encouraged me to tell my story and encourage other single Dads. Just over a year ago, I returned from my hiatus realizing that God had given me a chance to speak into some of y’all’s lives, and I considered that a sacred honor that I shouldn’t walk away from. Now, a year later, this blog has grown even further, and I continue to be able to bless many of you whom I have never met!

And so, here we are, on the eve of Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for y’all, for the chance to speak into your lives, and the hope that what God has given me to put out here is a blessing for you! I am equally thankful to be with family this year, to have a roof over my head, to have food and warmth, and to have another year to raise my 3 God-given challenges known as my kids!

I hope you are able to be thankful for the blessings He has place in your life. Even if it is a roof over your head for one day, or for that Thanksgiving meal someone gifted you (even if you’re not sure how you’ll ever cook it all, like I once wondered!). Wherever this Thanksgiving finds you, I pray you see His hand in your life, and that you continue to surrender your life to His purpose, trusting in Jesus payment for your sins, and seeking to follow Him and serve Him in every way He opens to you.

This world is a rough place for many, this year. Some of those who may read this blog are in war-torn countries. Some are under the thumb of communism. And still others are in some halfway point between freedom and something less than freedom. But no matter where you may be this year, know that Jesus is right there with you. The King of All Kings was born in a manger (Christmas is coming). He learned to be a carpenter. And He lived like any other human for over 30 years, without running water, under various monarchies that were more like dictatorships, and under the weight of the Roman Empire. He can empathize with your pain, even now. Rest in Him!

This Thanksgiving, no matter where we are, let us give thanks for The Almighty’s provision, even if it’s meager, and for the fact that by Jesus’ sacrifice, we can know Him and have the confidence that when we go home, we go to a better place! And while we’re here, we can rest in knowing He has a purpose for our daily lives, for the circumstance He has allowed us to be in, and for the people He causes us to interact with on a daily basis. Let us be thankful, and let us share His Gospel with those around us!

Thank you for being a reader here, whether subscribed or just someone passing by! It is my blessing to be however-much a part of your life! And may God’s blessings be yours, in Jesus, through the remainder of this year and into the next, as you follow Him! Amen!

Godspeed – 1 Corinthians 15:10

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Have You Considered My Servant…?

Posted on 21 November 2022 by Nerdy Mess

Often times, when Jesus allows a trial into our lives, we focus on the pain, the loss, the hurt, and the ever-present question “Why me?” It is not often that we think about that fact that before that trial got to me, Jesus knew of it, knew what would come out of it, and, most importantly, knew how much it would hurt! It’s important to note that I didn’t say “how much it would hurt me”, since I am not the only one that hurt! Jesus hurt with me, FOR me, before that trial ever came TO me.

Parents often hurt for their kids. Many of us heard the phrase “this is going to hurt me a lot more than you” during periods of discipline, and many of us never understood that phrase. Comedians have often made jokes on the phrase, as well. But when you become a parent, it suddenly makes sense that no matter the pain to your child, it hurts you more because 1) you know the pain their going through and 2) you can’t do anything to stop it. That second part is even more excruciating, sometimes, than the original pain.

Jesus is NOT powerless to stop our pain, as some pseudo-scholars would suggest. Nor is He apathetic or indifferent to our pain! On the contrary, He has experienced some of the greatest pains a human being can endure. Let’s take a moment and list some of them:

  • He was betrayed by one of His own disciples; Judas Iscariot ate with Jesus, watched Him perform miracles, heard Jesus’ teachings, and willfully followed Him around for 3 years. At the end of all of that, Judas sold out Jesus for the same as the cost paid for a slave that had been killed. What a slap in the face! And to top it off, Judas Iscariot’s betrayal was marked by a kiss, an intimate act in Middle Eastern culture that identified someone as received or accepted as a friend.
  • He was mocked, ridiculed, and beaten; most adults have been witness to an abuse of authority, and many adults have been witness to someone being physically harmed. Jesus endured both. In fact, it is widely agreed, amongst Biblical scholars, that Jesus was beaten to the point that it was hard to recognize Him. Additionally, the ridicule included being crowned with a crown woven of thorns long enough to pierce the skin and scratch the bones of the skull.
  • He was then flogged; this process was intended to inflict maximum casualty to a person’s back. The whip was designed to tear at the flesh and muscle. In point of fact, there are only a few who ever survived this punishment of 40 lashes. It was considered a death-sentence. And this happened without time to heal from the aforementioned beating and ridicule. In short, Jesus has now endured an immense amount of pain!
  • He was then condemned, unjustly and without cause, to a death on a cross. A crucifixion was a deadly enough sentencing as to be excruciating on its own. However, it is important to realize that Jesus is now carrying a cross (or portion thereof, depending on your interpretation) with a face of broken bones, likely sporting a concussion, and a severely sensitive, raw-meat-esque back. There is no doubt that every movement, every step, every sensation was agonizing! Without a doubt, He could not even grimace without it causing additional pain!
  • And amidst this, the Lord of All was denied by the very creation He’d made. His chosen people and the majority of humanity had aligned against Him. The very God who had created them, who had provided for them, who had lovingly taught, nurtured, and protected them was here being beaten, broken, battered, and crucified by them. I can’t even imagine the grief that had to pierce His heart watching something akin to His own kids shout for His death.
  • And this is not the end! We can also infer that Jesus had endured His earthly father’s death, had been present while others grieved the loss of loved ones, and He had to knowingly walk away from healing some, as He tended to His Father’s mission. It is no small thing to say that Jesus endured everything we have experienced and more!

“…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising its shame, and has sat down a the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Hebrews 12:2-3

Hence, we can honestly conclude that when Jesus allows a trial into our lives, He not only understands the pain we are about to endure, but He grieves that we must go through it. Yet, He also sees the outcome, and this is the other important aspect! Depending on where you are in life, either of these may be more revelatory for you, but He knows your pain, and He knows why this pain at this time!

We are not called to know the why, but to trust Him in the midst of the questions. Given that He endured these pains, and given that He knows all things (past, present, and future, until the end of all time), then we can trust that the why is inconsequential (to us, ultimately) because of the love that approved this moment. And how do we know His love approve this moment? For that, we turn to Job.

“The Lord said to Satan, “From where do you come?” Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it.” The Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job?…”

Job 1:7-8a

“Have you considered my servant Job?” Seriously?! Why, Lord, would you bring Job to the enemy’s attention? Well, that question is never answered, except that we know God wanted to use Job’s life as a text to teach us about Himself and encourage us to endure these times when God may appear unjust (for God is never unjust!). But God never says why Job had to go through His trial. We only know that Satan was explicitly bounded by The Almighty. Make no mistake, dear Reader, Satan is not unlimited! He has only as much rope, power, or ability as God allows Him to have. That said, if we choose to focus on the situation rather than Our Savior, we may well be handing Satan a little extra support, and we should always resist the enemy in our lives.

I’m at my self-imposed word limit, so I’ll wrap this up with one final quote, as I think it grants the final perspective I hope to leave you with. At the end of the day, no trial is without purpose! God is working in and through our lives (both, at the same time) as we follow Him. Hence, when He allows a trial, He is both working something out-of/in-to our lives and using us in others lives. But, when the trials get rough, and the cries turn toward, “please, Jesus; just let me come home!”, it is important to remember that even Jesus said the same, “Father, if there be any way, please take this cup from Me!” And with that, I’ll let Paul close us out.

“More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 3:8-12

Godspeed – 1 Corinthians 15:10

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Men, Fashion, And Our Divine Responsibility

Posted on 7 November 2022 by Nerdy Mess

Recently, I was reading an article regarding women and fashion in tech. The article lamented the struggles of women, in technology, to find ways to dress that weren’t considered inappropriate and/or have some options (like women’s sizes for company/product shirts) that currently are not available. However, one problem caught my eye; the problem of male colleagues and/or industry folk who make inappropriate comments or who deem an outfit too inappropriate. Now, I am not interested in judging someone’s clothing here; I will say that I find myself overly conscious of my own clothing, as I struggle with my own self-image and don’t measure up to my own expectations for myself, and I’m a guy. However, this article sparked a reminder of something that must be said now and again. And so, here we go!

Technology has largely been a male-centric industry, though not necessarily because of any attempt to keep women out. Even so, this post is neither about a woman’s appearance, in general, nor about the tech industry, specifically. Rather, this is a post seeking to call out an underlying issue so many ignore: the responsibility of men to call out beauty in their daughters, wives, and women they may influence (such as the ladies in a pastor’s youth group, nieces, or perhaps a co-worker). God gave men the responsibility to call out beauty, and often, we men make a mess of it, like a pig in a mud puddle.

Now, someone is going to misinterpret me, so let me say this: I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT PHYSICAL BEAUTY, FASHION (per se), NOR ATTRACTIVENESS!!!! Our culture has misinterpreted and contorted beauty to be something it is not! Beauty has to do with the person inside! The realities of the person, and personality, behind whatever glitz and glamor may be brushed on, attached to, or draped over the outside. Calling out beauty is the more explicit realm of drawing out the person God has made, and encouraging/building that person more than whatever accoutrements.

With this definition in mind, what am I talking about? Quite simply, I’m talking about how we, as men, are not to be cat-calling, not to be rating external beauty, and we are not to be ogling or otherwise lusting after some worldly definition of beauty/attractiveness. We are to have our eyes so firmly fixed on Jesus that when we see a woman, we see her through Him, as a sister in Christ, and appeal to her on that basis, or we see her as someone who needs Jesus, and we appeal to her on that basis! If men were to take this to heart, we would see a woman not based on her appearance itself, but we would see her for how we can reflect Jesus to her, and I guarantee you that Jesus would not be thinking on how she’d look naked.

Let’s get very real; we have a culture, in America, that is pornographic! It’s not just leaning that way, not just an aspect restricted to red-light districts, and certainly not something concealed in someone’s closet. It is in-your-face, can’t find a safe place to look, what was just thrown in front of me, GROSSLY present! I weep for my sons and the world they are inheriting! We can’t even have the ad-supported streaming plans, anymore, because the ads blast foul ideas/ideals into our home! Hence, I’ve had to get very choosy with our entertainment; just 10 years ago, this would’ve been unnecessary and maybe a bit insane. Just 10 years! Hence, it is no wonder that so many have lost their understanding of beauty and so many men have lost the understanding that we are to call out beauty.

“Wait a minute! You’re telling me women aren’t responsible to call out beauty? What?! Are you a chauvinist!?”

No. Some might characterize me that way, but those that know me can attest to the fact that I am not, at all, a chauvininst. Rather, I am trying to encourage the proper roles….let me try it this way; imagine that you can lift 150 lbs. That’s a very respectible lifting weight. But then, let’s assume there’s another person who can lift 200 lbs. Not a big diffference, but it is significant, no? Ok. Now, imagine that someone expected you to do that second person’s lifting job! It would be difficult, not impossible, but difficult, for sure. You might even hurt yourself, at some point, because you’re not equipped to lift that much! Now, imagine that we allowed people to do what they’re equipped to do? You’d love life a lot more, be hurt less often, and you’d be more at peace with your day-to-day.

Encouraging people to take up their proper place is no different. If I ask that 200 lbs lifter to sit behind a desk all day, they’re going to be miserable for some portion of it, because they have been equipped to do more. Hence, when we stop trying to make everyone exactly the same, and we start calling people into their proper places, we find many things start working out better, and we find that there is less pain and injury. Thusly, men need to step into our roles as those who encourage true beauty. (And while I acknowledge this may be a bit over-simplified, it still remains largely accurate!)

As a father of a daughter, I have seen the challenges this disgusting culture has created for my daughter. No matter where she looks, there are messages that she’s not good enough, not thin enough, not beautiful enough, and she’s not even a full-grown woman yet! Worse yet, when her mother decided to abandon her, the message was also sent “you’re not enough.” Try as I might, I will never be able to fully heal that ache (Moms, you ARE VERY important!), but with time and a relationship with Jesus, she can come to a place where she makes peace with the whole her mother made. All the same, I am constantly vigilant to call out my daughter’s beauty, and to attempt to provide some counter-balance against the world’s evil messages.

But what does it mean to call out someone’s beauty? Well, it’s both what it is and what it is not. In other words, I need to be careful that our entertainment doesn’t include some devolvement into inappropriate images. I need to be careful that the message of what we watch doesn’t somehow communicate to my daughter that outer-appearance is more important. And when something like that comes up, it is important that I address it, so I help her to build the defenses of her mind to not buy the world’s definition of beauty. Hence, if I’m watching a show and there’s a classic hint of someone undressing, we talk about the context (are they married? Is that appropriate of him/her? What should happen here?), and we try to avoid that happening again. Or perhaps we’re watching something and an ad pops up that’s inappropriate, it is appropriate to ask “what did you think about that?” and discuss what did or did not happen and why that was or was not appropriate. These things build her ability to process the messages she encounters and helps her to build defenses against the negative messages. (Similarly, my sons are, often, also present and a part of this interaction, such that they build similar defenses but also learn this way of helping folks process the messages they’re confronted with.))

In short, it is helping the women around you to feel supported in conforming to the image of Christ and expressing the person God has made them to be. Now, I was tempted to include a qualifier of “appropriately” in that above sentence, but I held off for one simple reason: if we are conforming to the image of Christ, we will express ourselves appropriately. It won’t need to be said. Additionally, if we are teaching our daughters (and likewise, encouraging our sons to be this type of man) to value true beauty, then there’s no end for the qualifier. A woman who values true beauty won’t feel the need to wear a skimpy bikini; more specifically, when she feels like wearing such a bikini, she will consider if that’s how she wants to be seen or judged. Similarly, a guy who seeks to honor Jesus, who values true beauty, won’t want to gawk at a woman in such clothing because he wants to honor Christ with his thoughts and his actions. Nor will he try to make a woman feel bad because of what she wore; more than likely, he will work to ignore it and/or find a way to lovingly encourage her into something more befitting a daughter of the Most High.

Hence, when we men take our place and call out true beauty, it is no longer about women vs men, nor about stumbling or making someone stumble, nor is it about “appropriate” and “inappropriate”. It becomes exclusively about Jesus and encouraging our sisters (or potential sisters) in Christ to have the true beauty He gave them and pursue Him rather than some worldly standard. It becomes an effort of love and hopefully encourages both women and men rather than being destructive.

As far as women’s fashion in tech, I really don’t have an opinion. I’ve known amazing women who’s appearance I never really noticed. I’ve also known some women who focused so much on their appearance, they dimmed their true beauty, and it was difficult to appreciate them. And yet, both of these groups are beautiful people who Jesus cares deeply for, as He does those who are not in technology, those who are struggling to understand true beauty, and anyone/everyone in between.

So, men, let’s be the warriors God has made us! Let’s kick back against the trend of this horribly-broken world. Let’s be rebels and warriors for The Almighty, who call out true beauty and do not conform to this world’s image of the classic, wandering-eyed man who only sees women for what they wear or what they’ll do. Let’s be the men that see and call out the beauty inside, the brains, the personality, the amazing daughter of Eve that God has created and with whom we have the honor of interacting. In short, let’s be real men!

Godspeed – 1 Corinthians 15:10

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