It’s been nearly 5 years since I closed out the Heartfelt Mind-Meld. Truthfully, I didn’t feel like I had much more to share. When something did come to mind, it seemed to leave before I could get it down. And so, 5 years has flown by. And where am I?

I still dream. I still hope, but I am battle-worn. You see, prior to COVID, when the world was still holding to it’s traditions and jollies, my family cracked. Some nonsense had been going on, unaware, and it boiled to the surface, and I had to take some serious actions to get my family healing. I had no idea then, but it has been the most exhausting battle of my life, even worse than the traumatic divorce of over a decade ago.

It serves no purpose to go into further details, but I have had to learn about sacrifice; this isn’t the popular “die to self”, “oh, isn’t it great to sacrifice for the Lord” sacrificing. Rather, I’ve gotten to experience the moments when I cry out, like David, “why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?” And yet, I have also had to remind myself, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”

The coming months and year hope to see a return to blogging, for your sakes, dear readers! I believe God has provided this blog and my pains to encourage you in yours. He is good! And even when everything feels bad, He remains good and His will remains perfect!

I am currently contemplating the trials of Job, a man who went through excruciating pains, and for whom, God never provided an answer for the pains he experienced! In the midst of this, and other examples we have in Scripture, I’m learning a new depth to Romans 12:1b, “present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

It has dawned on me, and I leave you with this, that a sacrifice doesn’t have a life left to live. So a living sacrifice must regularly give up it’s life to be lived for Jesus. Perhaps this is what can be so painful about sacrifice, as it flies directly against our flesh, that sin-sick part of us that only wants to live for ourselves. If I want to truly live for Christ, I must be willing to endure the pain of surrendering my life, my desires and goals, my ways of doing things, to His.

Truthfully, I don’t like that. Parts of me even hate that idea, altogether. But that is the greatest reason why I must submit myself and lay my pride, plans, and desires down on the cross, daily, hourly, sometimes moment-by-moment. A sacrifice can’t get up off the altar; so, why should I?